For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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