She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize