I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
