my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
