I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
