if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
