Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
