He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think my moral compass just broke
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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