i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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