dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
