In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
