I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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