so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
