so explain again why im purple
no
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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