I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
