remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
