I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
