Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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