Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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