Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
