I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
