I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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