You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
