just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can't put those talents on a resume
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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