It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
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I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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