Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
