I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think people are normalizing furries
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
