if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
