Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
