Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
