just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
