Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
