It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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