no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
