Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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