don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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