Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
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I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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