I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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