I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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