Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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