Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
