Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
