dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
