id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
