he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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