You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
