I wish you could order shots online.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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