so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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