using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
