I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
