True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
