All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
