no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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