The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
