i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
