Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
