a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
