i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
