i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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