So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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