There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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