i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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