i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
