She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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