Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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