Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
