Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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