If i come over, it means nothing
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
