we made out on top of his cat.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
