i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
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Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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