dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
