I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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