She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
