remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
